To Say Goodbye
by HandleWithCare-Bea
Summary: When Blaine dies, Kurt is crushed. With Burt and Carol out of town, Finn stays with Kurt through everything. When Kurt starts having flashbacks and fits, Finn is the one looking after him.Written through Kurt's eyes  as always In Memory Of Fiona-R.I.P xxx


**To Say Goodbye **

Tears Fall. Noses are blown. Flowers are laid on the frozen corpse. The vicar stands. The congregation sits, their expressions sorrowful, their clothes black. I feel cold. I don't even know who I am sitting beside. I feel crushed. I am crushed. The vicar seems to walk in slow motion. Maybe the world has just slowed down or maybe it is just me. The vicar reaches his stand and is going to begin. I see the coffin. I'm too sad to cry.

"We are gathered here today to say goodbye-,"

_My phone vibrates, it's Blaine. He wan__ts to meet me at the bus stop outside his office so we can go home together. I start walking that way. It won't take me long, fifteen minutes at the most, and I text him to tell him so. I send him three kisses. He sent me three on his. _

_Time Passes, I walk all the way._

_I'm nearly there. The stop is just round the corner. I can see the roof of Blain's office block. Three men run past me. They a__re carrying baseball bats. They must be late to a practise. Maybe they had got off the bus. I turn the corner. _

_Red. Red covers the pavement. There is a body. There is a body on the pavement. I run towards it. Where is Blaine?_

Everyone is looking at me. I feel flushed. My head is spinning. I notice Finn's gaze, his eyes troubled. Did I do something? Why wasn't anyone paying attention to the vicar? I look. He isn't talking. He is staring at me. I smile and gesture for him to continue. He clears his throat.

"To say goodbye to-,"

_I get to the body. I look at the face. Blaine. He is looking at me, his brown eyes slipping away. I cal__l the ambulance, the police. 911. Save him! _

_I take his __hand. My jeans are covered in blood, my hands also. He is whispering my name. Tears are streaming down my face and falling onto his. An ambulance arrives and a man pulls me away. They say they will do what they can. I climb in. Blaine gets carried in on a stretcher. I hear a siren. The police have arrived. _

_They will want to ask me questions. The paramedics close the ambulance doors. I can't take my eyes off Blaine. He is smashed and bruised. The vehicle __jolts forwards. The doctor with us is helping Blaine breath. I can't watch._

I hear a scream. I'm cold. I'm freezing. I open my eyes. People are looking down on me. Some are kneeling, some are standing, and all are looking. Finn is shaking me. I sit up sharply. The vicar is there. I mutter an apology. Finn is looking at me, his eyes wide with fear. He helps me up. The vicar returns to his post and the people sit back down. Finn whispers to me, "Kurt, are you okay? You had some kind of fit!"

I don't remember. I don't remember anything. I remember flashing lights and sirens. I remember men in green. I remember…I remember Blaine's body.

"Where was I? Oh yes, to say goodbye to Blaine Anderson. Blaine was a loving man. He was a partner, son and great friend to all."

The vicar's words are harsh in my head. They need to be said. They need to be out of the way.

"Though we don't know about what happened to Blaine, we know that he was loved. He was loved by so many and he was loved for his individuality and kindness. His smile would light up any room and now, it will light up the heavens."

We are in the car. Finn is driving me home. I have an urn on my lap. We stop at the lights. Finn takes it from me and places in on the back seat. He is worried. He is scared. He wants to go and ring Burt and Carol, tell them what happened. We set off again.

_I'__m in the waiting room. Nurses and doctors fly past in blurs. I cannot keep still. My hands have a world of there own and my thumbs are twiddling endlessly. I had been told that Wes, David, Rachel and Finn are all on their way. No one else has arrived yet. It was just me._

_A doctor comes out; he sees me and strides towards the bench where I am sitting. I leap up. He walks right by me to the man in the corner. I sit back down. Finn runs towards me. He holds me and tells me it's all going to be okay. Rachel is on his heels. She hugs us both. They sit next to me and we wait. Finn takes Rachel's hand. Since they got married, everything they do is together. We wait for the doctor's verdict._

We are pulled up at the side of the road. Hazard lights flashing. Finn is on the phone. I can't work out the words he is using. It was at that point that I knew I wouldn't be spending the night alone. We drive straight to my apartment. Finn helped to steer me to the bedroom. He tucks the urn into one side of the bed and we make the sofa into something that could be slept on. I undressed and put on my pyjamas. I slowly walked to the cupboards. I opened Blaine's side and pulled out a jumper. I pulled it over my head. Who cares if it is three sizes too big? I closed the door.

"_I'm so sorry Mr. Hummel. We did all we could."_

_Wes, David, Rachel and Finn are all hugging me. I am squashed in the middle.__ We broke apart. Tears are streaming down my face. Rachel is silently crying too but at least she has Finn is comforting her. Wes has his arm around me. David is standing there in shock. _

_This is Blaine we're talking about. He can't be…there must be a mix up, a misunderstanding._

_Who would tell the Anderson? Who would organise a funeral? What about a will? _

_My tears are falling thick and fast. Rachel was now bawling into Finn__'s shoulder. Finn was awkwardly stroking her hair. David still hadn't moved and Wes had now sat down near him to make sure he didn't fall over. My world is spinning. Finn decides it's time we left. Wes and David went off without so much of a goodbye. There wasn't much to say, so I didn't care. Finn took Rachel and I back to the Jeep. He took us all back to mine._

I was propped up against the cupboard. At least I hadn't fallen. I stand up just as Finn burst through the closed door.

"Kurt, you were screaming! Did you have a fit again?"

He runs to my side, trying to give me some kind of aid or something. I wave my hand in dismissal and climb into bed. He tuckes me in like Dad did and left me to my own devices.

I knew any sleep I had would be filled with dreams of me and Blaine. It had been like it since the night he died. At least I wouldn't forget. But how can anyone forget Blaine? Burt and Carol would get back tomorrow. I needed them right now; I need them to be here.

As I roll over, I saw the envelope on my bedside table. I reach for it and open it. Blaine had left everything to me; he hadn't left anything to his parents or friends, just me.

As I place the envelope on the table again, I fall into an empty sleep. It wasn't closure; it was the start of a new chapter, a chapter of misery and pain. It wasn't going to get any better at this point in time. But it wasn't getting worse. As the dreams start coming, I hear myself start to scream, but I'm too far gone to care.


End file.
